Saturday, December 5, 2015

Why I'm Grateful For My Insomnia

Awake Title

It's 6:27 a.m., and I'm wide awake. I've been awake since 11:00 p.m. or so after falling asleep at 8, and if my normal pattern holds true I'll be awake all day. I've been this way for as long as I can remember; I run on three to five hours of sleep for weeks at a time, then crash hard for half a day or so. I used to hate it, but that's starting to change.

The day is filled with obligations and schedules. Breakfast is at ten, naptime is at one. Naptime is over at three, and lunch has to be ready by then. Dinner must be ready by eight and bedtime is at nine. In between there's work, bills, baths, calls to make, deadlines to meet...

The night is different. I can exist for the sake of existence; I can think about all the things I didn't have time to ponder while the world was awake. I can stare into my newborn's face while I feed him and we can bond without the demands of a toddler and a career in its infancy pressing in on us.

My inability to sleep affords me something priceless: more time. And time is the most valuable resource I have.

Rather than wasting that time wishing for rest like I used to, I'm starting to savor every moment.

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